Broken Hearted

It has been a week or so since I was told something was wrong with Chloe Nell's little heart and I can actually sit here today and be okay with it. I must say that at first it was numbing. As I sat in the room and had the doctors listen to her heart and mumble stuff I could feel the room closing in, my hands sweating, my own heart pounding. That was the first part of the fear that hit me.



After that Ricky and I went home in shock, didn't talk much about it. We knew we would just have to wait and see what the echo cardiogram found.We went about our weekly routine until our next appointment at the hospital. We both took Tuesday off from work and spent about 3 hours at the hospital. During the echo Chloe was an angel. So sweet and calm during the echo but it was tense to say the least. I got a sickening feeling something wasn't right, but just like cob webs I brushed it to the side with a fake smile as we left the lab room.



We were told that Chloe Nell has a bicuspid aortic valve defect. I will interrupt here with some reliable information.



Johns Hopkins Children's Hospital Website lists the following information-



What Is Bicuspid Aortic Valve? The aortic valve conducts oxygen-rich blood from the left ventricle into the aorta, which carries it to the body tissues. Normally, this valve has three leaflets. Occasionally, people are born with an aortic valve that has only two leaflets. This is known as a bicuspid aortic valve. A bicuspid aortic valve may occur in isolation in an otherwise normal heart, or it may occur with other heart defects.Isolated bicuspid aortic valve is the most common of all congenital cardiac anomalies and usually has no effects on heart function. If a bicuspid aortic valve does not open normally, aortic valve stenosis can result. The aortic valve is generally bicuspid in cases of Aortic Stenosis, which accounts for 3-6% of all cases of congenital heart disease.





And then the 2nd round of fear came as I was driving to school the next morning. I cried the entire way to work. I am not talking a tear here or there, but sobbing. I had to gain composure before heading to my classroom, but my 8:15am I was a ball of nerves and tears.I somehow managed to pull it together. That night after having cried it out of my system I was able to actually have a conversation about it. I did some research and had lots of questions. After meeting with the doctor(s) and praying about it we now have a sense of peace.



Chloe Nell is healthy and thriving. She is meeting or exceeding growth and developmental aspects. She is happy! God created her little heart to be unique and each day we will take with stride. I did ask the question of why was the mumur/defect just now found. I need to recap that for the past 2 week Chloe has been rather sick with ear infections and slight fevers. We were told at our follow up appointment that the murmur couldn't be heard or duplicated (she had no fever at the follow up) and that perhaps it was a fluke event with the fever and a fluke that the BAV was found...go figure :)



I must add though that as a mother this is my first time having to deal with a mutant type of fear. We all fear things, but motherly fear is worse than type I have ever experienced. The love for your child is stronger than anything. To fear for you child's health, life, and well being is the worst feeling I have ever felt. I would like to thank everyone who has let me cry on their shoulder, consoled me, or just let me vent. But most of all We would like to say thank you for the prayers and sweet words sent our way! God is in control!